Day 1...

First day on the job...

Bummer...

Spent the whole day reading catalogues and Wiki-ing some physics terms. Most of the time I'm left to my own devices, which is not half bad... Had the freedom to MSN, read a chapter of manga online and did some emailing.
Well, as first days go, this one is really uneventful.
Maybe that's a good thing... Heh.. Dunno.


I had time to even attend 6 pm mass at Holy Spirit Church today. Another first... First time in about 2 years that I attended weekday mass in that place. Still much prefer Risen Christ... maybe I could try going there for mass one of these days.

But as I sat there in the chapel, I found myself crying out to God once again.

Is this really the best You've got for me? Aren't You a God Who cannot be outdone in generosity? The One Who gives in abundance? How come I end up in this small, slow company deep in Upper Thomson Rd?

My pride and my desire for recognition were talking once again.

This is only the first day... Too early to make any sort of conclusions about the new place. But I sure had plenty of time to think, and you know what they say about idle minds.


Lord, my God, help me to trust in You.

Help me to hold firm in You, that You are Good.

Though my heart cries out and rebels, still my soul proclaims You are my Lord.

Keep me always in the shadow of Your Grace.

Dying Into New Life

It's Easter... Alleluia, the Lord is Risen!


It has been a thoughtful season of Lent. An amazing period of reflection, where if I but put in a little bit of effort, the Lord responded so profoundly with His wisdom. Feels like Lent has been forever, but it has been a meaningful time of drawing closer to God.. like the prodigal returning to his father.


With the end of Lent comes new life in Easter... which is kinda literal for me this year.
Tommorrow ends my months long unemployment as I begin my first day at my new job. Bittersweet symphony as I list down the things I will miss once I start working again. I will surely miss the carefree days where my time is completely my own, just as surely as I am looking forward to updating my bank book every month and seeing the figures go up again =)


During the Holy Week I learnt the meaning of dying to myself.
In accepting this unexpected employment which landed in my lap I learnt to submit to God, to start the process of letting go of my desire for worldly acclaim, as I was reminded that God does not measure success the way the world does. Dying to self feels a lot like the word implies... not a comfortable sensation definitely. The sense of surrender, to plunge into the unknown and trusting in the guidance of the Lord. A mixture of apprehension and anticipation.


But just as a dear sister reminded me.. as I die to myself, so I shall find new life in the Risen Christ in Easter. This same sister pointed me to read 'The Alchemist' by Paulo Coelho, a wonderful book which came at an appropriate time, much like the "omens", the sign of the times, which the author spoke a lot about as he spun his story.


And if I've been reading the "omens" correctly, this new job should be the next step in my journey towards my treasure, my heart's desire.... =)

Something New Indeed

I realise something today.
At the start of the year, I remember blogging about the countdown party at IHM. It was there that I prayed to the Lord to do something new in my life, along with the others in attendance. I remember meaning it too... I wanted the Lord to renew me, to excite me & surprise me in 2008.

Well, I guess He did not waste any time.
One week after that I became the coordinator of Youth Arise. Heh. Figures.
So today I realised that I "brought it upon myself" through that prayer. What happened was an answer to my own prayer. Again the saying holds true, "Be careful what you pray for."

Oh Lord, oh Lord...
You can be really sneaky sometimes, You know that?

Ha ha ha...

Leader

God-given leadership is given to a person who seeks not to lead, but seeks to serve.

"Those who want to be first will be last. Those who seek to be the greatest must be the servant of all." -- Jesus

Jesus did not only speak these words, He backed it up with his actions.
He demonstrated it with the way He lived His life; never refusing anyone who came to Him for healing, washing His disciples' feet, and ultimately by dying on the Cross in exchange for all our lives... we who are not even worthy to undo the straps of His sandals.

It's always a point to reflect on, for it is all too easy to forget that the word "servant" comes first in "servant-leader". As I try to find my way in my new role in ministry, it is something that the Lord really reminds me... To remember where I came from, what put me on the path of ministry in the first place.

After my YISS in 2004 I remember leaving with a fire inside but without the ability to do anything. I had no confidence to lead worship, I could not speak a word of prophecy, I didn't have knowledge to teach... All I had was a burning desire to do something for this God who had rescued me, to serve Him somehow. I guess that's probably what the Lord saw, and that was all He needed to get to work in me.

And 3 years later I am amazed of the things I have seen the Lord do in my life. Not by might, not by power, but truly only by His Spirit.
I never asked for this... I did not ask to be placed where I am. But I am quite certain this is where I need to be at this point in my life, to fulfill the plans He has for me... whatever they are.

My prayer is that I will be able to say with St. Paul:

"When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."

V

Today is Valentine's Day, so let us take time to especially thank God for the great love He has poured into our lives. We often take for granted the fact that God loves us, lost in the flood of activities and conversations that make up a day in the life.

So in this day dedicated to celebrate love, let us remember He who IS Love.

Let us also not forget the people He has placed around us to express His love... Family, friends, loved ones. Let us appreciate how blessed we are to have these people to share & experience love with.

It is customary for friends & lovers to exchange gifts on Valentine.
So I wonder what would Jesus do if we were to ask Him for a Valentine gift (He being the lover of our souls and all)? =)

Perhaps all He needed to do was to smile & point at that old rugged cross on Calvary.
For that is without a doubt the greatest gift of Love in the history of mankind.

So when was the last time you told Jesus that you love Him? =)

Ha ha... Lazy me... it's already February, and I hardly blogged about January.

Chinese New Year is here again. Going home to celebrate with my family, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be (I hope..)

A quick getaway from S'pore. Always good to be distant from it all every now and then... Puts things in perspective.

Seems like my mind hardly stops turning for the past 2-3 weeks.
But at least I have made peace with the fact that my position now is where I am supposed to be.
In true Christian fashion of doing things paradoxically, being in leadership brings me to the awareness that I am small and often inadequate.
But small is what I am, for I must decrease, so that He may increase in me.
The Lord sure has a way of bringing the proud to their knees, in humble adoration... =)

And the more I complicate matters, the Lord sometimes bring me back to the simple.
As I cried out, lost and desperate for directions, visions, and how to move in leadership...

My Master simply said, "Follow."

Then I realised how true it is, in all its glorious one-word-simplicity...
A leader is one who shows the way, by following the Way, the Truth and the Life.
There is only one game plan, to follow Him, and let Him make things fall into place.

Yes.. One word...
But in itself lies the challenge... It is not easy to submit my will to Jesus. Not always keen to go where He leads... Heh =P.. Not even sure where He is going sometimes.

Quo vadis Domine?

So Lord, help me to trust You each and every day...
I acknowledge my sinfulness before You, help my unbelief.

Today I said 'Yes' to something that up til 24 hours ago I was unwilling to do.


Guess it's easy to let doubts and worries stop me from doing something I should be doing.

A responbility that deep inside I have prepared myself for.

Still as the evening draws to a close and I let the day's events sink in, I realise how daunting the task ahead can be. Agreeing to it is only the first step, living it is another matter altogether.

I guess when I asked the Lord to do something new this year on New Year's Eve, He sure doesn't waste any time. Careful what you ask God eh? Ha ha...

Uncertain? You bet.
Afraid? Sure, a bit.
But the Lord spoke Isaiah 62:5 to me...

"As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you."

Thank for the vote of confidence, Pops...
Show me the way yeah?
In You I put my trust.

Happy New Year!

2008 is here.

Kinda sucky to start the new year jobless.
And although there hasn't been any YAM prayer meetings for a month, December still didn't feel like much of a break.
So I start 2008 at the bottom... Out of a job and feeling a bit tired from the past year's worth of activities.

Yet oddly there's a hope that rises as the calendar turns.
There's something about new beginnings that bring a sense of expectation, a quiet assurance that things can only go up... One of the perks of starting at the bottom... Ha ha

Indeed, as brothers Daniel & Joel led everyone into a time of worship last night at the SACCRE Youth New Year Gathering, the Spirit came with His refreshing presence.
Joel spoke about how New Year resolutions often seem to make us look to the past, to strive to do something we could not in the previous year.
So let us instead look to our Creator... He is a God of endless creativity, and He knows the plans that He has for us! Let us invite Abba to do something new in our lives.

What a way to kickstart the new year...
With thanksgiving and praise to our God, gathered as a community of believers in the House of our Lord. Mass was awesome, IHM was full-house! Praise the Lord!
And the worship earlier set the theme... To welcome the new year with anticipation and gladness, as the Lord does something new in our lives!

So as I sit here today...
My circumstances have not changed.
But I can start changing on the inside... To let strength rise as I wait upon the Lord.
To look forward to this new year with renewed hope and not dwell on the defeats of the past. Cos my God is gonna do something new.

Oh it is good to be a child of the Most High!